Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
