you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
