No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
