I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Randomize
