you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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