I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if only i could text you this smell
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
