Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
