So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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