The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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