I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
