i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
