so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
