You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Couch. On fire.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
