I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
