based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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