On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
