That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
