I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
