i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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