but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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