he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
