Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize