The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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