you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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