haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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