I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
high people should be assigned attendants
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
