I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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