I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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