I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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