Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
