We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
