We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
