and you said cock pushups were impossible
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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