In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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