she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
