...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As shirtless as possible
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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