Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
