i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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