Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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