thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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