I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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