i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
