Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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