Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
