When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
