and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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