i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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