have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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