At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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