i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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