I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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