I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
