after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
