The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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