mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
