Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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