Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
