I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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