Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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