i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
