I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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