so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
