this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
