he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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