the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
