i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
