Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
