Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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