When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
