So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
